Category: Blog

An experienced person or someone you can’t relate to? Listen below and share your thoughts.

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Steve Harvey said “Worrying doesn’t solve todays problems….worrying takes away todays peace”.

Worrying takes a lot of time and energy from us. I know this because I catch myself giving too much attention to things and people that doesn’t deserve my time or energy. We are human and it’s an automatic response to situations that occur in our daily lives. Sometimes it’s unavoidable but when we realize the moment we’re in it, we need to make a conscious decision to stop it. Steve Harvey said it best, worrying does nothing for today but take away your peace. Peace is something many are in need and in search of and very few find it. Protecting your peace is more valuable than giving it to someone else. Peace brings joy to our hearts, gives us a feeling of freedom and happiness in our lives. Let God help you with that.

Today I witnessed your dream come alive. Today your words “I have a dream that one day little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers” came true. They rang loud at Red Hill’s MLK Community Breakfast. The community of black and brown, white and all creed came together under one roof to celebrate you. Amazing breakfast, fantastic singing, phenomenal speakers, and excellent introductions at Red Hill. I can’t help but think, you would be proud!

I salute.

Each month will be a different topic of discussion.
Topics will be announced next week, along with schedule and registration information.
Start your New Year 🎉 in Pursuit of Happiness! 😊

I read a lot of posts and see a lot of pictures with the caption “know your worth” as if they really know. I throw no shade for those that do know their worth and commands respect. I’m high five’n the ones that honestly do. When a lady knows her worth, she doesn’t try to convince others of it, they know. She doesn’t have to brag about the positives, they see. She doesn’t have to be loud because she’s seen even more when she’s silent. She doesn’t have to explain anything because it’s already understood. She doesn’t have to draw attention to herself because she’s already recognized. She doesn’t have to demand it because it’s respected and comes automatic.

I ask women do you know the difference between being a woman vs a lady? If uncertain, here are a few differences to think about. A woman is merely a female adult. A lady is polite and respectful. There is a difference because not all women are polite and respectful to others or herself.  A lady is gentle, has a place in social society, noble, courteous, and is a wife (maybe not currently but will be). She takes care of her health; her appearance is regal. She doesn’t speak to tear down, instead she uplifts, her personality is sought after, her presence is felt in a room full of people, she commands attention simply by being present, and the mention of her name is intriguing to all who hear it. She’s tapped into her femininity and loves being a lady. She’s full of wisdom. She is submissive. She is considerate, passionate, a helper, and supporter. She loves God and answers to Him and her husband. She respects her husband because he respects God and treats her like his own body. She works tirelessly and doesn’t complain. Her dress covers her body, she’s careful not to reveal her temple and doesn’t take delight in flaunting for all to see and gawk over. Her hair is neatly tamed, her makeup is of a natural essence and her smell is pleasant. She is an inspiration, pure at heart, and has a genuine soul. She is appreciative and doesn’t mind giving thanks.

A woman is usually loud, disrespectful, and obnoxious. She feels the need to speak about everything and takes delight in having the last word as if she has proved a point. She is defensive. She reserves the right to explain herself even when it’s not warranted. She feels entitled, and has expectations which are most of the time too high. So high that even she misses the mark with upholding them herself. She’s not submissive; holding on to her independence even if it costs her everything. She wants a say in everything, she doesn’t know how to speak to others and despise a man that tries to correct her. A woman wants to lead and not follow. She is very emotional and sensitive. She is condescending and enjoys negative talk. She seeks the approval of others and needs to be validated constantly. She has low self-esteem, lacks self-respect, unstable, and is needy.

I can go on and on, but I’ll stop here. Let me put in a disclaimer that I’m not at all talking about every woman because there are some good ones learning and improving to become a lady. It is possible with consistent work and perseverance. Knowing your worth is great but knowing your worth and not broadcasting it is even better. A lady doesn’t have to convince others or try to make it believable. Your value should never decrease no matter the circumstance. Meaning don’t take jabs because you can, don’t fall into temptation because you can, don’t exercise your God given right to use the power of your words to hurt others, don’t be mean because it only makes you look ugly even if you are not. Be kind and increase in value by improving your life and upgrading your character to one that is noble and respected.

Don’t shoot the messenger, I’m only trying to help.

p.s. Happy New Year!  

If your significant other asks you to do something and it doesn’t require money, moving mountains, disappointing someone, hurting you in anyway or resulting in a bad outcome why hesitate? Why put up walls and refuse to do it? Is it that you’re trying to push that person away? Is it that you’re trying to start an argument or tension within your household or relationship? Perhaps you don’t deserve to have someone in your life that thinks that much of you to want to include you in their intimate space, their memorable moments or life period.

Don’t you know the mere fact that he or she asks you to do something or participate in an activity with them is because they chose you? Could it be that you’re not educated enough in the relationship to know it’s intimacy and quality time they are wanting?

Ex. 1
Decorating the Christmas tree. She wants Christmas to be special so she wants him to help decorate the Christmas tree with her. She sees this as a joint project. She sees it as laughter, fun times….memories they can cherish for years to come. It’ll be their first. She sees it as togetherness, bringing them closer together. She sees it as bonding and remembering how much in love they truly are. It’s an inside activity that costs nothing. It only requires time, effort and commitment to each other and the project.

What happens?
He refuses. He doesn’t want to put up the tree she has owned for two years. So she gives it away. She’s then given a tree and brings it home but yet he criticizes it because it’s considered a “Charlie Brown” tree to him. It’s not big enough or full enough. That’s what he says to her. After her entire body and choice words suggests that she is upset and has become frustrated and angry, he eventually gives in to the tree. When she asks for his opinion on the color theme, choosing from the colors she already has he doesn’t like any of them. When it’s time to decorate the tree and she asks for his help, he stands there and watches her do it and says “I want you to do it. I don’t want to.”

The problem: She feels alone. She feels this isn’t the ideal relationship or interactions held between two people in love around the holidays. This isn’t the traditional way. This is how she was raised and used to decorating for the holidays growing up. She feels sad, hurt and disappointed.

Why: Because the things she asks for are small and means so much to her, he shows no interest in or shows no effort to participate in which would make her heart joyous, put a smile on her face and provide her with memories she can cherish for years to come. He completely ignores and refuses. This type of behavior causes tension and a divide. The divide happens when one partner is seeking attention that only one can provide by doing things asked of them as a couple that ordinarily couples would do and the other not wanting to or acknowledging the fact that this is an activity that would strengthen the relationship.

Ex. 2

She asks for a full body massage from him. He tells her he will give her one in a few hours. A few hours have arrived and he says I’ll give you one tomorrow. Tomorrow comes, next week comes and another week. She says something to him again and still nothing.

She works two jobs, she cleans the house, she has a commute to and from work each day. She has pulls from every direction and she is tired. She’s mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. She wants to relax and be pampered. There’s no extra funds for a professional massage so she asks her man. She doesn’t know nor understand why he doesn’t think that much of what’s going on in her life to show the attention and affection that she is asking for. It costs him nothing. It only requires his time, energy, effort and commitment.

They could be watching tv together and she will massage his temple, his neck, his hands, his arms, back, etc. He doesn’t ask for it but she gives it because she understands how hard he works, how much he needs to relax and let go of tension. She only wants him comfortable. She wants him to know she’s there, she cares, she loves him and is into pleasing him even when he doesn’t ask her. Isn’t she worth being viewed as such too? Doesn’t she deserve a massage from her man especially if she asks for it because she feels as though she needs it and it would help ease her?

This is a want that clearly the woman is telling the man she needs. This is a want that clearly the man is over looking and refusing to give his lady.

What’s happening here?
A divide. Resentment. Room for thoughts of someone else fulfilling the job that’s obviously not getting nurtured properly.

Key takeaway: don’t allow your partner to feel as though they are alone when you can be present. Don’t neglect your partner. Listen to their wants. Fulfill there needs. Don’t allow room for others to occupy your space. If you don’t want the divide and doors to open for other people be sure to give thought to your no’s before given them out so easily to the one you love and sharing space with. Bridge the gap, don’t allow things to continue in this direction only to realize your presence is no longer needed or wanted. When you start to notice things aren’t right, chances are they’re not. You’ll have no one to blame but yourself. Stop it before it starts.

Side note: this can be for a man or a woman. Women when your man asks you for something don’t be quick to say no or become hesitant. The same principles applies to other scenarios as well.