If your significant other asks you to do something and it doesn’t require money, moving mountains, disappointing someone, hurting you in anyway or resulting in a bad outcome why hesitate? Why put up walls and refuse to do it? Is it that you’re trying to push that person away? Is it that you’re trying to start an argument or tension within your household or relationship? Perhaps you don’t deserve to have someone in your life that thinks that much of you to want to include you in their intimate space, their memorable moments or life period.
Don’t you know the mere fact that he or she asks you to do something or participate in an activity with them is because they chose you? Could it be that you’re not educated enough in the relationship to know it’s intimacy and quality time they are wanting?
Decorating the Christmas tree. She wants Christmas to be special so she wants him to help decorate the Christmas tree with her. She sees this as a joint project. She sees it as laughter, fun times….memories they can cherish for years to come. It’ll be their first. She sees it as togetherness, bringing them closer together. She sees it as bonding and remembering how much in love they truly are. It’s an inside activity that costs nothing. It only requires time, effort and commitment to each other and the project.
He refuses. He doesn’t want to put up the tree she has owned for two years. So she gives it away. She’s then given a tree and brings it home but yet he criticizes it because it’s considered a “Charlie Brown” tree to him. It’s not big enough or full enough. That’s what he says to her. After her entire body and choice words suggests that she is upset and has become frustrated and angry, he eventually gives in to the tree. When she asks for his opinion on the color theme, choosing from the colors she already has he doesn’t like any of them. When it’s time to decorate the tree and she asks for his help, he stands there and watches her do it and says “I want you to do it. I don’t want to.”
The problem: She feels alone. She feels this isn’t the ideal relationship or interactions held between two people in love around the holidays. This isn’t the traditional way. This is how she was raised and used to decorating for the holidays growing up. She feels sad, hurt and disappointed.
Why: Because the things she asks for are small and means so much to her, he shows no interest in or shows no effort to participate in which would make her heart joyous, put a smile on her face and provide her with memories she can cherish for years to come. He completely ignores and refuses. This type of behavior causes tension and a divide. The divide happens when one partner is seeking attention that only one can provide by doing things asked of them as a couple that ordinarily couples would do and the other not wanting to or acknowledging the fact that this is an activity that would strengthen the relationship.
She asks for a full body massage from him. He tells her he will give her one in a few hours. A few hours have arrived and he says I’ll give you one tomorrow. Tomorrow comes, next week comes and another week. She says something to him again and still nothing.
She works two jobs, she cleans the house, she has a commute to and from work each day. She has pulls from every direction and she is tired. She’s mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. She wants to relax and be pampered. There’s no extra funds for a professional massage so she asks her man. She doesn’t know nor understand why he doesn’t think that much of what’s going on in her life to show the attention and affection that she is asking for. It costs him nothing. It only requires his time, energy, effort and commitment.
They could be watching tv together and she will massage his temple, his neck, his hands, his arms, back, etc. He doesn’t ask for it but she gives it because she understands how hard he works, how much he needs to relax and let go of tension. She only wants him comfortable. She wants him to know she’s there, she cares, she loves him and is into pleasing him even when he doesn’t ask her. Isn’t she worth being viewed as such too? Doesn’t she deserve a massage from her man especially if she asks for it because she feels as though she needs it and it would help ease her?
This is a want that clearly the woman is telling the man she needs. This is a want that clearly the man is over looking and refusing to give his lady.
What’s happening here?
A divide. Resentment. Room for thoughts of someone else fulfilling the job that’s obviously not getting nurtured properly.
Key takeaway: don’t allow your partner to feel as though they are alone when you can be present. Don’t neglect your partner. Listen to their wants. Fulfill there needs. Don’t allow room for others to occupy your space. If you don’t want the divide and doors to open for other people be sure to give thought to your no’s before given them out so easily to the one you love and sharing space with. Bridge the gap, don’t allow things to continue in this direction only to realize your presence is no longer needed or wanted. When you start to notice things aren’t right, chances are they’re not. You’ll have no one to blame but yourself. Stop it before it starts.
Side note: this can be for a man or a woman. Women when your man asks you for something don’t be quick to say no or become hesitant. The same principles applies to other scenarios as well.