Coaching Elevated

Category: Blog

  • What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

    Self-Care Isn’t Selfish

    This is such a great question. I believe all of us could use some different approaches on this topic. As a coach I’ve been noticing that I give the best advice, which has proven to be highly effective for others. The thing is I don’t take my own advice. Why? I have no idea but I’ve started changing that.

    What I do to cope with negative feelings is to first acknowledge them. Become aware that I am aware of them. Next I allow myself to “feel” them and sit in them for only a short time to process and understand why they affect me, why I was triggered, what underlying issues maybe causing me to be triggered at the level they do. Then I pray, read my Bible and leave it there. Sometimes I even journal because my lived experiences, my coping skills, and my resilience to press forward will be made available to those needing that extra push and guidance in book form or online training sessions.

    Next I get out! I get out of the house and intentionally set “spa” days for myself, doing what brings me most comfort and peace whether that be shopping, a nice meal, hair, nails, gathering with trusted friends, scheduling my own therapy session just to talk about what’s bothering me because it truly helps when someone is there to listen and not pass judgement. I also like to rest and watch movies or listen to music. Certain types of music put me in a really great head space and my mood is heightened. There’s plenty ways of dealing with stress but these are some of mine. Hope they help you reach your inner peace and comfort.

    Oh and one more thing. EFT tapping, Mindfulness meditation, and role play with a trusted friend works wonders!

  • Where would you go on a shopping spree?

    I’m heading straight to “Rodeo Drive Baby”. I’m going shopping at every store “Vivian” went to in Pretty Woman.

  • You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?

    Hold on tight, I’m about to take you through a journey you’ll never forget.

  • Marriage Is Hard

    Marriage is hard. Going into marriage, it’s common for each person to carry their own perspective of what they believe are realistic expectations. But expectations are simply your expectations if the other person doesn’t know anything about them.

    Realistic expectations are qualities, skills, and goals that are attainable not only by others, but most importantly by yourself. You cannot place expectations on someone else that you are not capable of meeting yourself. You also cannot say something is acceptable or desired, and then resent the person for acting on what you told them was okay.

    Unrealistic expectations are standards we place on someone else that we ourselves cannot obtain. Often, even the people in our closest circles have not achieved those standards either. Sometimes that’s due to a lack of resources, education, opportunity, or geographic location. Other times it may simply be because those expectations are not aligned with their personal beliefs, culture, or life path. And in some cases, it may be because the person you’re placing those expectations on simply does not agree with them.

    Marriage is a union between two people working together toward a common goal. It is not claiming to be united while living and operating independently.

    Marriage is not telling someone they have no career path simply because they don’t have a job with benefits like healthcare, a 401(k), or a pension, or because they don’t earn a certain salary. A career is built over time through the work someone has done, the field they have operated in, the education or training they pursued, and the passion that drives them. A career is often connected to what excites someone and what allows them to experience purpose and fulfillment in life.

    Marriage is about loving one another not comparing one another.

    It’s about supporting each other and recognizing the effort both partners contribute. It’s seeing beyond material differences and looking past the tangible things.

    Marriage is not assuming the other person is always looking for ways to take rather than give. It’s not doing more for others than you do for your own spouse. It’s not leaving your partner to defend themselves and figure out life or their livelihood alone.

    Marriage is not watching your partner struggle when you have the ability to help.

    It’s not closing off your heart and refusing to communicate. It’s not chasing dreams without bringing your spouse along. It’s not making major decisions without discussing them together first.

    Those actions reflect willful independence, not partnership.

    Marriage is an institution many people desire, yet few truly understand the depth and responsibility of its many moving parts. Marriage is not a game.

    Marriage requires fighting for the relationship.

    It’s not walking away because things become difficult. It’s not saying “I wanted you then, but I wanted to wait,” and it’s certainly not saying “I’m in it, but I don’t really want it.”

    Perhaps we should normalize figuring out who we are and what we truly want before placing the weight of that responsibility on someone else. It is not their job to help us discover ourselves.

    That work belongs to us.

    Marriage, in many ways, is everything that marriages today often are not.

    -Takisha F. Shelton

  • Understanding Stress and How to Manage It

    Stress is a thorn in our side. Everyone has experienced it at some point in life, some more than others. Stress can come from many sources: family problems, personal struggles, work, homework, tests and exams, or even trying to solve other people’s problems.

    The symptoms of stress can show up in different ways. You might lash out at others for no apparent reason, feel overwhelmed or exhausted, experience fatigue or headaches, have no motivation, feel irritable or short-fused, take deep breaths with loud exhales, or find yourself arguing more than usual. The signs can be subtle or obvious, but they warrant our attention.

    It’s important to become aware of when you are stressed and, more importantly, what triggers your stress response. Stress is your body’s way of saying, “Hey, something isn’t right. I need a release.” Whatever your healthy release is, find it and practice it consistently.

    That release might look like going for a walk to calm down, listening to music, unplugging from the world by shutting off your phone, reading a book, saying no to others, taking a day off to pamper yourself, going to therapy, exercising, or other forms of self-care. Additional techniques like EFT tapping and mindfulness practices can also help reduce stress.

    Believe it or not, stress can cause insomnia. One helpful remedy may be taking a magnesium supplement 30–45 minutes before bed, as it can promote relaxation and support more restful sleep. Drinking warm tea before bed and shutting down your phone, TV, or bright room lights can also make a big difference. The light from screens can overstimulate your brain and make it harder to fall asleep. This is one things I’ve had to learn. I’m used to cutting on the tv to help me fall asleep and getting on my phone when I get in bed to help wind me down for the night. I thought it was helping….I was wrong.

    There are many ways to manage stress, these are just a few to get you started. Stress can be a silent contributor to serious health, relational, and work-related problems. When you recognize that you’re stressed, it’s important to pause and give yourself grace. Taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of everyone else.

    Operating in constant overload is not sustainable. It affects your body, your mind, your relationships, and your overall well-being. Ex. STROKE. Learn your triggers. Remind yourself to slow down and breathe. You do not have to take care of everything and everyone. When it begins to affect your emotional and mental stability, it may be crossing into codependent tendencies.

    Don’t do that to yourself.

    Take care of your body, your mind, your heart, and your overall well-being. Take care of you and allow others to take care of themselves.

  • If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why?

    If I could choose anyone to walk in the shoes of for just one day, it would be Jesus.

    Not to elevate myself. But to understand Him, the world, the people in it and myself.

    How incredible would it be to see the world through eyes that are all-knowing? To fully grasp the different mindsets of people walking this earth, their fears, their motives, their wounds, their pride, their love. To be completely aware of what’s expected of us and to see, up close, the beauty of living life His way.

    I would want to see the magnitude of the mess our nation is facing and whether redemption or ruin is ahead. I would want to understand the intricacies of our Lord and Savior, how He remains compassionate despite our sins and our constant resistance to His will.

    I’d want to understand how we are wired mentally and emotionally. What limits us? Why don’t we use the full capacity of our minds? What holds humanity back from becoming what we were created to be?

    If only for a day, I would want to see what He sees, to know what He knows, not for power, but for perspective.

    Because maybe if we truly saw what He sees, we would live differently. Just my thought. Share yours.

  • There are two reasons people die:

    1.Their assignment has been fulfilled.
    2.They’ve become a danger to themselves or others.

    When I heard my pastor say this, it stayed with me. I sat with it. The impact was heavy because there’s truth in it.

    We are all here on earth for a short time. What we do with that time is our choice. What we make of the life we’re given is our choice. We don’t know when our time will be up, but I know we should make the most of the time we have because we could be living in our final moments without even realizing it!

    When we leave this earth, I truly believe our purpose has been fulfilled. God ends one journey and sends us on another assignment beyond this life.

    And I believe if a life ends due to recklessness…..choices that endanger ourselves or others, it reflects a journey that was cut short, not because God failed to help, but because free will was in full effect without yielding to His guidance. Either way, one journey ends, and another begins.

    It’s something serious to think about.

    For me, I’d rather finish this life knowing I completed the assignment God gave me fulfilled, obedient, and faithful.

    What about you?

  • Intent Doesn’t Cancel Impact‼️

    📣People hear me please.

    Intent doesn’t cancel impact. How your words are received matters. You don’t get to say whatever you want and then avoid accountability when it hurts or offends someone. Period.

    Nothing irritates me more than an adult who doesn’t know how to take accountability for something they’ve said or done. They always have an excuse ready when you confront them about how they’ve hurt or offended you.

    Maturity is attractive in so many ways. Immaturity exposes character. When maturity is absent, the truth shows.

    Here are some practical real-life steps for someone to begin taking accountability…..pause before you defend yourself, listen to understand not to respond, own the impact not just the intent, use “I” statements, sincerely apologize, reflect on your patterns, accept consequences without resentment and make changes.

    But please get rid of the defensiveness and excuses. You are not an exception to learning and overcoming your shortcomings.

  • The Reveal In 2026

    Sometimes we can be too hard on ourselves. The perspective we place on ourselves is often very different from how others see us, yet we still seek their opinions as if our own isn’t enough. What we’re really looking for is validation, validation to feel comfortable in our own skin, to be okay with ourselves, to accept who we are regardless of the circumstances.

    For a long time, this was something I struggled with. Today, I noticed I was doing it again.

    As I enter my second week of fasting and prayer, I’ve read some eye-opening things and witnessed moments I never thought I’d see. But the one thing I want to share comes from the book of Romans. It reminds us that the very things we teach others, we must also practice ourselves. And as a teacher in many areas of life, I’m intentionally striving to take my own advice.

    No longer will I be hard on Kisha.
    No longer will I pick apart the essence of who I am or diminish the vitality of my life.

    I debated posting these photos because I didn’t think they were “good enough.” But the truth is….they are. They’re me. And that’s all that’s required for me to show up as myself.

    The reveal in 2026.

  • When Abuse Makes You Question Yourself

    There comes a time in healing where the pain isn’t loud anymore- it’s confusing.

    It leaves you sitting with a heavy question: Am I doing something to cause this?

    I’ve asked myself this question more times that I can count during my lifetime.

    After being on the receiving end of emotional and verbal abuse for years-especially from people who were supposed to protect me, I started searching for what I must be doing wrong. Not because I wanted to blame myself, but because I wanted it to stop. When harm keeps coming from different directions, self-doubt feels logical. But here’s what I’ve learned.

    Emotional abusive behavior doesn’t come from what you did, it comes from what someone else refuses to face.

    Abuse often shows up as blame-shifting, rewriting history, character attacks, and spiritual manipulation. It sounds like “you’re the problem”. It leaves you questioning your worth. It’s a form of control.

    I’m realizing my willingness to self-reflect makes me a target. When I care about my growth, accountability, and healing, people who avoid those things can feel exposed by your presence.

    They attack you. They project. They defect. They accuse. And slowly if you’re not careful, you start carrying shame that was never yours to begin with.

    Here’s the truth I’m holding onto now. People who are emotionally healthy don’t repeatedly tear others down. People who love you don’t humiliate you. People who want reconciliation seek repair, not destruction.

    For me it’s not what people say that hurts as much as their denial does. My lived experience being dismissed. My pain being rewritten and my character being attacked with no accountability. If there’s one thing I can tell you is this – emotionally abusive behavior escalates when you stop agreeing with someone else’s version of reality. When you stop agreeing and entertaining it your intelligence is questioned, your mental health is mocked, your faith is attacked or used against you and lastly, your life is picked apart and thrown back at you as proof that you had no right to speak. Sometimes the way to break a cycle that never wanted to change is to distance yourself, cut off association and pray for the infected person.

    Setting boundaries doesn’t mean I’m dishonoring anyone. It means I’m honoring the life God entrusted to me. I’m learning that silence can be safety. Distance can be love and walking away from abuse is not rejection, its wisdom.

    If you’ve ever questioned yourself because someone else couldn’t control their anger, take accountability, or speak with love-hear this…. You are not the cause of someone else’s cruelty. If you’ve made them aware of their behavior and how their choices have affected your life and they try to rewrite your lived experience, it’s time to back away however you choose to do so. Your decision is to protect you from further harm.