Coaching Elevated

Author: r3coachingelevated

  • When Abuse Makes You Question Yourself

    There comes a time in healing where the pain isn’t loud anymore- it’s confusing.

    It leaves you sitting with a heavy question: Am I doing something to cause this?

    I’ve asked myself this question more times that I can count during my lifetime.

    After being on the receiving end of emotional and verbal abuse for years-especially from people who were supposed to protect me, I started searching for what I must be doing wrong. Not because I wanted to blame myself, but because I wanted it to stop. When harm keeps coming from different directions, self-doubt feels logical. But here’s what I’ve learned.

    Emotional abusive behavior doesn’t come from what you did, it comes from what someone else refuses to face.

    Abuse often shows up as blame-shifting, rewriting history, character attacks, and spiritual manipulation. It sounds like “you’re the problem”. It leaves you questioning your worth. It’s a form of control.

    I’m realizing my willingness to self-reflect makes me a target. When I care about my growth, accountability, and healing, people who avoid those things can feel exposed by your presence.

    They attack you. They project. They defect. They accuse. And slowly if you’re not careful, you start carrying shame that was never yours to begin with.

    Here’s the truth I’m holding onto now. People who are emotionally healthy don’t repeatedly tear others down. People who love you don’t humiliate you. People who want reconciliation seek repair, not destruction.

    For me it’s not what people say that hurts as much as their denial does. My lived experience being dismissed. My pain being rewritten and my character being attacked with no accountability. If there’s one thing I can tell you is this – emotionally abusive behavior escalates when you stop agreeing with someone else’s version of reality. When you stop agreeing and entertaining it your intelligence is questioned, your mental health is mocked, your faith is attacked or used against you and lastly, your life is picked apart and thrown back at you as proof that you had no right to speak. Sometimes the way to break a cycle that never wanted to change is to distance yourself, cut off association and pray for the infected person.

    Setting boundaries doesn’t mean I’m dishonoring anyone. It means I’m honoring the life God entrusted to me. I’m learning that silence can be safety. Distance can be love and walking away from abuse is not rejection, its wisdom.

    If you’ve ever questioned yourself because someone else couldn’t control their anger, take accountability, or speak with love-hear this…. You are not the cause of someone else’s cruelty. If you’ve made them aware of their behavior and how their choices have affected your life and they try to rewrite your lived experience, it’s time to back away however you choose to do so. Your decision is to protect you from further harm.

  • Beauty and the Beast

    This movie is such a beautiful love story, though it didn’t start out that way. It’s a true depiction of real life unfolding through a fantasy film meant for children who may not yet understand its depth, and adults who grow to treasure it more with time.

    From the very beginning, Belle was sure of herself. Confident. Grounded. And that confidence attracted Gaston. He was a man with shallow character and not much depth or purpose of his own. Belle, on the other hand, had a bright future and Gaston saw that. Instead of growing himself, he tried to attach himself to her, to leech onto what she carried.

    The movie also showed the love of a father…one who had already endured so much heartache after losing his wife, Belle’s mother. His desire to protect his daughter was rooted in love, even if it appeared reckless at times. Many parents can relate to that kind of love: risking it all just to show up for your child. And when he was captured, Belle stepped in and showed us just how deep love should be…..by offering herself in place of her father.

    In doing so, she endured emotional and verbal abuse from the Beast. Yet she never lost herself. She remained true to her character. She didn’t allow someone else’s inability to emotionally connect due to hurt, misfortune, or even a curse to change who she was. And it was her consistency, her compassion, and her strength that slowly softened a heart that had grown cold.

    As his heart changed, so did his actions. He warmed to her. He freed her. He honored her ability to make her own choices and supported her decisions. And because of the faith and hope he held, that if love was real, she would return. Belle was able to save her father once again. This time, she chose to go back. Not out of obligation, but out of love.

    And we know the ending.

    Their time together and apart caused them to fall deeply in love and restored what had been lost.

    This story shows us hope. Inspiration. Persistence. Free will. And the beauty of unconditional love. It reveals protection, safety, understanding, and resilience. It gives us a glimpse of magic and joy while modeling a non-persuasive approach to loving who you choose. It reminds us that saying no is okay. That our actions have consequences. That adversity does not mean the end, there is always the possibility of something brighter.

    It teaches us not to overlook the poor or the unfortunate. That people deserve to be treated equally, with dignity and respect. That helping others matters because we never truly know who we are entertaining…or denying.

    Beauty and the Beast reminds us that anything is possible if we only believe and choose to hold onto hope in all things.

    I’d like to hear your thoughts and if the movie provokes emotion within you.

  • Create A Four Year Recap of Your Life

    Taking time to reflect on our past and vision for the future creates clarity, healing, and alignment. When we name what we’ve survived, what we’ve learned, and what we’re believing for, we stop moving through life on autopilot and start walking with intention. This process helps identify patterns, strengthen discernment, set healthy boundaries, and realign our desires with God’s will. It allows us to release shame, celebrate growth, and move forward with confidence, grounded in faith, self-awareness, and purpose. Reflection isn’t about perfection; it’s about becoming more present, more obedient, and more empowered to live the life we’re being prepared for.

    What does your last four years look like? Here’s mine.

  • Mental & Emotional Health Awareness

    You never know what a person is going through or how they are processing internally. In fear of the stigmas associated with sharing certain mental and emotional health challenges or crisis people often, more than you think, suffer in silence.

    I encourage you to join me in supporting
    Individuals who find it difficult to cope. Sometimes if we’re aware of these signs they can be seen with the naked eye. Appearance, timeliness, social interations or the lack thereof, and their behavior are a few ways.

    I’m reminded of this especially today because I have a few things I’m processing internally silently. And when I came into work I found this on my desk and do not know who left it for me but can I tell you it made THE WORLD OF A DIFFERENCE! Because I know God is with me.

    And to top it off another coworker stopped by to bring me something I ordered for my office space and in talking to me said “I have something for you”. She came back with an invitation to her church on Christmas Eve. Am I going? Absolutely! Why? Because I refuse to miss an opportunity to hear from God and the message He delivers through people He send my way.

    This post is intended for all of you to examine your needs internally without prejudice or shame or guilt and to become aware of others and extend kindness and grace.

  • Conversations for Real-Life Relationships: The Questions We Avoid

    Hey Ya’ll! Let’s have some healthy conversations, shall we? I want to hear from you. What are your thoughts on these conversation starters that are coming up in real-life relationships?

    These questions aren’t meant to rush decisions, but to slow us down long enough to choose wisely and make the best decision for ourselves, not neglecting to examine all moving parts. Sharing your perspective and experiences may help someone else.

    The mission is to be real and relatable, and to promote resilience. I’ve experienced all of these, and I questioned. Did I always follow through and make sure “Kisha” was doing what was best for her? Absolutely not because I let the emotion “love” cloud my judgment vs using discernment in all things, which would have allowed me to make the best decision for my life.

    Uncertainty Before Marriage

    Before marriage, how much uncertainty is normal, and at what point does uncertainty become something we shouldn’t ignore?

    Refusal to Do Inner Work & Accountability

    Can a relationship remain healthy if one partner avoids inner work and accountability, or does love slowly turn into emotional labor?

    Financial Independence

    How important is financial independence in a relationship, and how does it impact confidence, choice, and freedom?

    A Safe & Secure Home

    Why is having a stable, secure home more than a physical need, and how does it affect emotional safety and decision-making?

    A Trustworthy Support System

    Why is it essential to have a support system outside of your partner- people you can trust, lean on, and be honest with?

    Multiple Streams of Income

    In today’s world, is having additional or consistent streams of income about fear or wisdom and stewardship?

  • The Root of Relational Problems

    When a person lacks emotional availability, affection, warmth, attunement, intentional intimacy, desire, pursuit, validation, emotional safety, and reciprocity. There will be tension in any relationship.

    Why?

    They are emotionally distant, disengaged, and not attuned to your inner self. They lack physical touch, tenderness, and reassurance. They fail to notice you, your appearance, your efforts, your milestones, and your needs. Sex becomes a chore without foreplay, passion, or connection, making it feel transactional rather than bonding. There’s no active pursuit of you, which is essential for developing intimacy. When they give compliments, it’s often only after you’ve said something, so they don’t feel like genuine expressions of desire. They just react. We also can’t forget the joking, coldness, dismissiveness, or ignoring, which further creates distance and insecurity. A simple touch matters, and affection and connection do too, but if it’s not reciprocated, that love begins to feel empty. 

    If what I described is something you’re experiencing, it’s important to understand the patterns because they often point to a person’s emotional immaturity, avoidant attachment, low emotional intelligence, sexual disengagement, relational complacency, and unresolved internal issues such as stress, resentment, shame, depression, addiction, identity confusion, and much more.

    The person receiving this kind of behavior may start to question their worth, crave attention, passion, and connection outside the relationship, and become emotionally vulnerable to outside validation.  All are valid, but I place more emphasis on the last part because that is a strong warning sign, not a failure on the person who is thinking and feeling it.

    So, here’s the thing: if this sounds like you, you’re not asking for too much. You’re asking for the basics, especially for married people. Affection, desire, attention, passion, and presence. These are foundational. You’re not crazy, you’re responding to being unseen and neglected, avoided and possibly incompatible.

    If this is you, you may be wondering how to address this. Well, I’m glad you asked before your heart drifts elsewhere or resentment deepens. There needs to be a direct, serious, non-joking conversation that takes place. A clear, straight-to-the-point conversation about how it is affecting you emotionally and spiritually, and your boundaries around what you will and will not continue to accept. Pay close attention to how they respond. Do they respond with willingness to self-reflect on their behaviors, actions, and your feelings, or are they quick to deflect and dismiss?

    If you’re met with jokes, if they minimize, or place responsibility solely on you, that confirms the emotional disconnect, and it’s something that cannot be healed by you trying harder. Although I cannot advise you on what you should do next with that discovery, I’ll leave you with this: do not make any rational decisions until you’ve thought everything through with a clear mind and understanding of what your decision will look like after you make it.

    You deserve to feel wanted without begging, you deserve intimacy that feels alive, not obligatory, and you deserve a person who sees you.

    After all, it’s Christmas time, a time of love, laughter, joy, and togetherness.

  • You Don’t Need Botox to Be Beautiful

    A message for women. And I know it won’t resonate with all and that’s alright. However, I’m still gone deliver the message anyway.

    Stop with the Botox. Stop with the face lifts and surgeries. Sure it’s your money and your body….your prerogative. I hear you.

    You look fake. You look hard, not feminine, and unrecognizable. It sends a strong message that underneath the fillers, the tweaks, cuts, and lifts you’re not fully embracing your uniqueness. Which is a strong possibility that self-love needs attention.

    Change is inevitable.
    Aging is beautiful.
    Love “becoming” in all phases of life.

    This message isn’t to shame anyone who feels they need it but it’s a meaningful reminder that I hope impacts the way you comfortably see yourself.

    Self-love, confidence, self-esteem and inner strength comes from standing in who you are and all that comes with that as time passes.

  • What Is Your Spiritual Gift?

    What is your spiritual gift?

    Do you know?

    If not, let’s talk about it because understanding your spiritual gift changes how you walk, how you serve, and how you hear God.

    The Bible teaches that there are nine spiritual gifts given by the Holy Spirit to believers in Jesus Christ. Not every person receives all nine gifts. The Holy Spirit distributes them according to the will of the Father, and at times He may operate through more than one gift in a person to meet a specific need or assignment.

    So let’s dive a little deeper.

    There are three categories of spiritual gifts:

    Vocal (Inspirational) Gifts

    • Speaking in tongues

    • Interpretation of tongues

    Revelation Gifts

    • Discerning of spirits

    • Word of knowledge

    • Word of wisdom

    Power Gifts

    • Gift of faith

    • Gifts of healing

    • Working of miracles

    Many times, these gifts work together to accomplish God’s purpose and advance His mission.

    Now let me ask you this…

    Have you activated your spiritual gift yet?

    If not ask me how. Because as a current Bible college student, I’m just becoming aware of mine!

    For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a strong sense about people and situations—especially through what I hear and see. I could often tell when something was truth or a lie, when someone was genuine or operating with ulterior motives. Even in my early twenties, I found myself able to recognize whether something was aligned with Scripture or not without always knowing why.

    I didn’t realize that what I was experiencing was me operating in my spiritual gift until this year, when I began Bible college.

    Here’s the thing: if you don’t intentionally pay attention to God, the Holy Spirit will only be as present in your life as you allow Him to be.

    Now that I’m fully aware of the gift God has given me, I’m operating in it with clarity and confidence. What I once called intuition, instincts, vibes, or a hunch was actually the Holy Spirit activating the gift of discerning of spirits in my life.

    And let me tell you awareness changes everything.

    So I challenge you to:

    • Study the Word

    • Show yourself approved

    • Ask God for your gift

    • Receive the Holy Spirit

    • Walk boldly in the will of God

    It’s all for His purpose and to edify the church.

    Father, I thank You for my gift.

    Thank You for loving Your child, Takisha.

    And so I will leave you with…..yup you guessed it a call to action

    If this resonated with you and you’re wondering what your spiritual gift is or how to activate it, comment “GIFTED”, send me a message.

  • Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech?

    Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech?

    Absolutely I have. At first I thought it was the most terrifying task. Like, how dare someone ask me to get in front of a room full of people and speak with out asking me if this was something I wanted or felt comfortable doing.

    However, that initial thought dissipated about 5 minutes in when I looked out in the crowd and saw them engaging, smiling, and cheering me on.

    So guess what! As a communications major I have conquered the fear of speaking but who are we fooling if we don’t admit we get nervous every time we have a presentation to give, an announcement to make, or something involving us being center of attention.

    It’s my profession now and although it was intimidating I now own it with ease and excitement.

    So if this is you and you can relate….deep breaths….breathe in….breathe out… hold your head up with confidence even if you’re nervous and uncomfortable don’t let them see you sweat! You’ve got this! 🙌🏾

  • Perlious Times

    This week in Bible college we are summarizing Pauls farewell letter. In doing so I realize a lot of the reasons I safe gaurd myself from certain people. For example I’ve never cared too much for a bragger or a person that pretends to be someone they are not. Quickest way to loose all association with me. For the longest I’ve been able to spot a fake and now I understand my gift. I haven’t always operated in it because I ignored it.

    When you know, you just know. You can sense the boasting, the pretending, and the constant need people have to prove they’re doing better than they really are. Paul warned us about this in 2 Timothy 3:1–6. People who love themselves, love money, brag, deceive, and put on a form of godliness while they are far from it. There’s so much of this casually being done and accepted.

    If people would let go of this competition mentality, they’d realize they don’t have to resemble the very characteristics Paul described. So many are making excuses for why they can’t take a stand and live upright, why they keep hurting others, pretending, and choosing the comfort of lies over the work of truth. Honestly, that kind of living feels exhausting to me.

    Underneath all the hard coverings and false narratives is the essence of who a person really is. And if you don’t like that person? Change it. Do something about it. God gives us the power to transform, but we have to be willing to let go of the ways of this world.

    I challenge those to stop living in alignment with the very “perilous men” Paul spoke of 👉🏽 people driven by pride, pleasure, and false speech. Because if you continue, people will turn away from you. You’ll find yourself isolated, not because others are wrong, but because you chose a path that leads to emptiness.

    I wasn’t trying to preach but when the Holy Spirit gives you a message it needs to be said. If it offends you that means it pertains to you.

    With love. ✌🏽