Codependency is triggered through relationships with people who have serious illnesses, behavior problems or destructive compulsive disorders.
These are relationships with troubled, needy, or dependent people.
Q: What does the troubled, needy, or dependent person do?
A: They prey on the weaknesses and strengths of others
1. weaknesses
-a person’s weaknesses are seen by others because it’s what’s familiar to them. They recognize it and gravitate towards it because it serves their purpose.
2. strengths
-a person’s strengths are like magnets to such people because it makes them feel good about themselves and their situation. It keeps them in the self-sabotage and self-gratifying position they’re in. They leech on, suck the life out of their prey so they can feel important, worthy, and deserving of special treatment even when they’ve done nothing to warrant your services.
Services- your time, help, attention, and all of yourself
Definition: A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.
Q: Does this sound like you?
Onset of Codependency is usually developed within your immediate family, during childhood, that sets the pace for relationships.
-Robert Subby said it best. An emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops because of an individuals prolonged exposure to and the practice of a set of oppressive rules that prevent open expression of feelings and direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems.
Example of what that looks like:
Internalizing- preventing you from addressing the situation at hand
Being silent because you don’t understand something or how to fix it
Avoiding confronting what bothers you and how it’s affecting you out of fear it may cause more problems
Justifying why not to seek professional help to become better.
Q: What happens when a codependent finds themselves in such a situation?
A: They will experience the 5 stages of grief.
What are the 5 Stages of Grief?
- Shock
- Anger
- Retaliation
- Bargaining
- Acceptance
Remember– not everyone will experience all five stages and not everyone will experience them in the same order
Let’s Explore
Q: Are You Codependent?
- Are you impulsive to wanting to solve other people’s problems only to find yourself drained, stressed and angry but stay anyway hoping it will get better because you know you can change a person and help them see they are destroying themselves and hurting others around them?
- Do you attract the same kinds of people over and over again?
- Do you feel obligated to help others change, heal mentally, emotionally, and overcome addiction?
- Do you feel out of control, find yourself angry a lot, feel regret or resentful towards someone, become spiteful, have an “I don’t care anymore” attitude, “what about me, my wants, my needs” view, feel lost with little to no hope?
If you answered YES to any or all 3, chances are you are CODEPENDENT.
Solution
-Identify the moment you are in it
-Step away from the situation, person, or problem
-Seek professional help or a trusting friend to talk through the situation
-Reclaim your life, Rebuild YOU.
Key Takeaways
Identifying the problem helps determine the solution.
-Feeling better + Recovery
Codependency is a normal reaction to abnormal people
Codependency is a chronic progressive illness
Habits don’t require thinking
Dependent people manipulate and use their capabilities to serve a purpose specifically for them not you
Codependency makes you sick and it can help the people or person around you STAY sick.
WHY?
Simple. YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED to help them through their situation. Only they will change if they want to no matter how much you want to help the narrative along. You’ll be fighting a vicious battle that serves one purpose, recycling itself.
To find out more order a copy of “Codependent No More” How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
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