When in a relationship, engagement, or marriage it’s best to come to a common ground to solve your affairs together, as a couple, as partners, as husband and wife. Professional couples or marriage counseling, coaching or individual counsel are also helpful options to find resolutions.

It should never be an option to discuss your private household problems to family, friends or take to social media. Doing so only damages your relationship further and it will cause a wider wedge between both you and your significant other.

Taking to social media is a way of making yourself feel validated for your actions and or behavior. It’s your way of seeing how many people you can get on your side, to see your point, agree with you, seal the envelope to the message you are trying to convey by telling you, you had a right to do what you did or say what you said. This makes you feel better about the situation. This puts you on top the situation like you are in control. It gives you an extra boost. Sort of like leverage that you can throw in his/her face. This is not ok. It’s never ok to shame someone else, degrade them or put them under scrutiny. This is not only hurtful, but you are causing damage to the one you claim to love that you may not be able to bounce back from.

The same goes for family and friends. Keep your business to yourself because once it’s out there you can’t take it back. Family and friends become protective of you and wellbeing. At least that’s what they think they are doing in that moment and going forward. They want the best for you. Who could blame them, right? Wrong. Your inability to keep your business private allows them to feel entitled to be in your business every chance they get. You painted a distorted picture of your loved one to your family and friends and they in turn kick against them and start not to like them, they began to distance themselves and not want to be around them or worse, they don’t want you to be around them with your partner. It causes the divide to become bigger. To avoid this “KEEP YOUR BUSINESS PRIVATE”.

Once damage is done, its hard for you to make amends, make things go back to normal, or eliminate tension all together. Now you must put on your big girl drawls or big boy boxers and praise your loved one to your family and friends every chance you get so that they can over time learn to love them as you do and see them in a different light other than the one you portrayed them in. Oh, at first, they are not going to want to hear anything you have to say. But rest assure, if you set healthy boundaries and make them known to family and friends, have the difficult and uncomfortable conversations to set things straight and in order, they will eventually ease up. Then you have to apologize to your significant other for making them look bad and degrading them on social media, to family and friends. All the while, its eating you alive inside that you hurt them in a way you couldn’t understand. Your impulsive actions, unwarranted behavior will cause you more problems than the ones you feel you currently have.

How to avoid these mistakes?

1. Keep your business inside your home. Find resolution together without involving others.

2. Find ways to talk to your partner about the things that are bothering you. Understand that every day can’t be a good day. Recognize your partner is human and mistakes are inevitable.

3. Don’t talk to outside influencers about your relationship, or marital affairs. Keep in mind misery loves company so if a person is reluctant to want to know the bad stuff and give you advice that will not yield positive resolutions, it would serve you well to deal with those people at a distance and with less information as possible.

Not everyone wants to see you happy and living your best life, especially, if its with someone you have found love with. Majority of times if bad advice is given, it’s probably because the person that’s giving it, is envious, jealous, or upset that they don’t have a portion of what you have. Be mindful of the devils that are around the corner wrapped up in sheep like clothing.

Control your impulses. Everything bad eventually changes for good. Don’t give people something to talk about. Only give them the good. That’s all they get to know if you choose to give them that.

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